From Fitzroy's Private Diary (Extract 51)

It is not uncommon for a trainee to ask my opinion of weaponry, and even my favourite methods of defending myself. Nowadays, many people carry a gun. I do so myself, but due to a pre-Great War injury, I rarely use it. Once a crack shot, on a good day I might hit a barn, never mind the barn door. I know some like to use a gun as a threat, but I personally feel a gun should never be drawn unless you’re prepared to use it. Thus, given my lack of ability to shoot straight, I have to be desperate indeed to draw such a weapon. But, for those with a better aim, I suggest the Webley .455 VI (I always prefer a revolver over a magazine loader, which are more prone to jamming). Webley have done well for me through my career and I heartily recommend them.

A cane has been a favourite weapon of mine for most of my life. I suppose, eventually, most gentlemen will no longer carry canes or walking sticks. However, for those of us who indulge in such fripperies, the art of Bartitsu it perfect. One appears unarmed, but in the blink of an eye, one has the other fellow on the floor, pinned to the wall, or locked in some extremely painful position. In cases of dire necessity, one can even shatter the opponent’s cranium, with lethal effect. Although, it should be noted, that this is not only hard work, but risks the danger of splatter that can ruin one’s apparel.

Of course, there is little that is more enjoyable than delivering a well-deserved punch to the face. However, one has to be something of pugilist, as I am, to deliver a significant blow without severely damaging one’s hand or, at least, hopping around shouting, ‘Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!’ This can somewhat damage masculine pride.

I continue to practice Jujitsu. Having observed both men and women using this style, I have come to believe that, at present, there is no superior form of unarmed combat available to learn when it comes to the actual practice of street, or rather gutter, fighting. It’s all very well for people to showcase flashy moves, but a serious fight should be swift, nasty and without rules. 

But, lastly, we come to my favourite weapon. My choice generally surprises people. It is my tongue. To be clearer, that is my tongue in conjunction with my brain. The art of persuasion, and the avoidance of violence, will always produce the superior outcome in any encounter.