From Fitzroy's Private Diary (Extract 63)

Damn Sam Browne and his one-armed ingenuity. I don’t carry a sword, and I have two perfectly good arms, so why I have to wear this ruddy rig over my army uniform is more than I can fathom. It makes me feel like a horse in harness. Perhaps that’s the idea.

I can’t remember the last time I wore a uniform. Generally, in my line of work, a uniform is the last thing you want to be wearing. Unless, of course, its some other country’s uniform and you’re sneaking through a guard post. Or strutting through, which I find works much better. Look as if you belong, act like you're entitled to be there, and it’s surprising how few people will ever stop and question you.

However, the new head of the department has demanded we all be fitted for regular uniforms. Now, if he’d said dress uniforms, I would have been slightly mollified. Dress uniforms tend to indicate the approach of banquets and dinners, and while I am more than happy to avoid my fellow compatriots in the line of work, a jolly good nosh-up is another matter.

As a spy I’m happiest while skulking, deceiving, lying, and scheming. On a good night I might even be seducing. On a bad night you can add in throttling and garrotting. You’d think they wouldn't want me to wear the King’s uniform, all things considered. But, no, the new CINC wants us all to have uniforms in order for us to remember exactly who we are.

I left the upper strap lying around the apartment, but it’s not true leather so Jack turned his nose up at it, and Griffin found it when he was cleaning. The d-rings are now extra shiny with the aid of Brasso. I’m never going to be rid of the dammed thing.

To be fair, I don’t mind the hat, or even the swagger stick. I’ve always liked carrying a stick. Although the sole purpose of a swagger stick is to prevent an officer carrying things. Officers aren’t allowed to do that in uniform. Killing someone would be fine, but carrying something, oh no. The whole thing is preposterous.

The next thing I know, they’ll be issuing me with a cloak and dagger.