From Fitzroy's Private Diary (Extract 81)

I’ve always wondered what they put in Gentleman’s Relish that makes it able to transform bland food into something far more acceptable. I’m fortunate enough that in my private life I don’t ever have to make do with secondary fare. In fact, I refuse to eat any less than the very best. I am one of the few to have ever returned a hamper to a rather famous store because I felt it was not quite up to scratch. I mean, when one takes a lady friend on an alfresco adventure, one should at least fortify her with a certain amount of splendour.

At this moment, as I sit here in a damp hollow, waiting for my rabbit to cook in its earth covered oven (far less smoke that doing it over spit, and often with a better result), I am daydreaming not about my home, my dog, my bed, my bath, or female companionship (all of which I am missing), no, I am daydreaming of relish.

I did manage to find some wild garlic, and some of those little yellow weeds that taste like pineapple - I forget the name. I stuffed the rabbit with those, and some wild mushrooms I discovered. There are a lot of mushrooms around here, but only one type that I felt confident in eating. I am not a fungi specialist. Morels and chanterelles are my limit. Depending on what my rabbit had been eating, this should be more or less acceptable. Besides, I really do need the food. As the old adage goes, hunger is indeed the best sauce.

I had not intended to be living wild, or I would have better provided for myself. However, my current mission has taken some unexpected twists and turns, and although I would never let any of my colleagues know this, I rather fear I have ended up losing my bearings. I pushed myself hard enough, without food, trying to make good my error that I have needed to lay up for a couple of days.  At least I have accomplished what I was sent out to do. Now, all that remains is to get to the rendezvous point and be picked up by boat. I took the liberty of defacing the King’s currency, tearing the bills with which I paid the boat’s owner in half, so he will wait in order to retrieve the remainder. Hopefully Peter Rabbit here will give me the strength to quicken my pace.

I hate to stop and rest, but even I must yield to the needs of the flesh (although I would far rather be yielding to some other needs of the flesh than eating rabbit in a field). I think, when I am back home, I will spend some time experimenting with creating a small, portable set of vital flavouring ingredients that I might carry whenever I may have need to fend for myself. Salt, a container of gentleman’s relish, and some root ginger, are non-negotiable inclusions (ginger being most useful in dispelling uncomfortable digestion troubles). But what else should one include? Dried chillies perhaps? In India, hot spices are used to mask the flavour of inferior meat with great success.

The question is, what is essential, and how big can the set be? Obviously, it will have to fit in a pocket. Possibly a large coat pocket? How much can I include? Could I go as far as to include some dried spicy sausage that could be shaved into a meal to make it taste better? Or, now here’s a thought, one could always carry a truffle. After all, I always have a knife to hand.

Damn it! The bloody rabbit is burning! No amount of seasoning is going to make this wretched meal taste better. Still, I think I’m onto something with my pocket epicurean kit.