From Fitzroy's Private Diary (Extract 102)

Having an ear for languages translates well to having an ear for music. I have not always found this a good thing. It was amusing to open a piano in front on Alice and play a medley without her being aware, despite knowing me for years, that I could play. But then, I forgot that her mother, for a while, earned her living by teaching piano. By a process of osmosis, Alice appears to have picked up a great deal, as well as being a naturally talented player herself, but she owes most of it solely to dedication and application. She quickly saw that I played by ear, never having bothered to learn to read music, and that my technique, while flashy in style, was, to put it kindly, light on learning. I should have saved my revelation for someone who would have been be more impressed.

Hope, who is currently learning, I suspect would have more success playing with her toes than her fingers. I hope that her parents allow her to give up her instrument soon. She is, in many ways, a capable and even advanced child, but she has a complete absence of musicality.

Having an ear for music has had little relevance to my career. It does allow me to enjoy recitals more than the average person. It also means I am more distressed than your average person when there are off notes, or bad players.

However, worse than this, I am very sensitive to people’s voices. This is good, and useful, when I need to see through disguises or must only listen in on a meeting and identify individuals by their voice alone.

My problem is when people naturally have unpleasant voices. I have met women, who I am meant to - at least flatter, if not more - and have been forced to smile while the timbre of their voice grates on my ear like a metal rasp. I believe, on more than one occasion, I have moved from discussion to kissing, if only to give my hearing some relief and shut them up. Speaking in well modulated tones should be a requirement for anyone who wishes to take their place in polite society.

After all, I cannot be expected to kiss all of the ladies all of the time.