From Fitzroy's Private Diary (Extract 128)

Yet again I have been referred to by my nearest and dearest as ‘grumpy’. I don’t like this. To me, grumpy is something one falls into in one’s dotage, when one is longer fit and able enough to wrestle the world into something akin to what pleases one. Not that the world ever pleases me overly, it being full of contentious human beings.

In my more winsome moments, I’m prone to think that the world would be a better place if it was run by dogs. Dogs are fiercely loyal, unconditionally loving, delightfully playful, and innately intelligent.

Ye gods, some of my past lovers, to my shame, could not fulfil such criteria. As for the people in my department, a degree of loyalty is really all one can expect. Alice, of course, has an abundance of all four attributes, but I don’t think she’d take it well if I told her she was as good as a dog, although it certainly would be a complement of the highest order coming from me.

As well as being winsome, I can be playful in so many ways, both publicly and privately. In public I am quite passionate about my country, and in private I am simply quite passionate.

I fight for justice, and I work for peace. In fact, if I was to write down a collection of the things I do in any given month, it would be clear that I’m far more than what constitutes a grumpy fellow.  I might not bestride the world like a colossus, but I get around a fair bit, and I do make a difference. Could a mere curmudgeonly, belligerent, grumpy old fellow achieve that? I think not.

Yes, I may snarl and snap occasionally, but have you seen the state of the world today? In my humble opinion, it’s well deserved. There are far too many who lounge in their chairs, and in their clubs, having read the papers, and complain loudly about how things are, but are they prepared to get off their backsides and do anything about it? Oh no, that’s far too much to ask, and so it’s left to the likes of me.

So, to anyone who calls me grumpy, well, you can put it in your pipe and smoke it. I am, considering my occupation, the finest tempered fellow in the world.