From Fitzroy's Private Diary (Extract 143)

Occasionally people will comment that I have a large or robust personality. This is normally when I’m playing an overblown character, or encouraging people to do something risky, yet necessary. The rest of the time, I’m fairly quiet in my demeanour. I spend a lot of time thinking, analysing, and above all, watching - as is required in my particular vocation. Despite this, those who know me best do sometimes remark on how my personality can still fill up a room, even before I speak.

I’ve been thinking about this, after all, my ability to fade into the background is a vital skill. In my early days of service to the Crown there was very little training and frequently no support on missions. This meant one relied on one’s wits, and more often than not, luck. This, combined with a sort of hell for leather attitude - the kind that will get you up a snowy mountain wearing plus fours - was all that kept you alive.

If I think back over the scrapes I’ve got into in my younger days, my derring-do times if you will, it’s quite remarkable that I’ve survived to reach thirty.

The thing is, when you’ve done the impossible, wrestled with the odds and survived, you become acutely aware of all that you’re capable of doing. So very few people come close to testing the limits of their abilities in their normal lives. I’ve stretched myself to the point of almost destruction and I’m aware that my physical frame and mental agility have achieved some remarkable triumphs in my life.

However, almost as important, I think about the times when I’ve failed. I don’t tend to mention these, but they have happened. There have been times when these failures were personally devastating - like the time I was unable to protect my first wife. These might be considered trial-by-fire times, which I’ve always got through. I may have been burned, even brought to my knees, but I’ve always got up again. I have always gone on, and in going on, I’ve come to find both career satisfaction and moments of personal happiness.

All in all, I’m saying that it’s not only my triumphs that have made me the man I am, but also my failures. I’ve built on the back of every single one. I’ve faced down my morality, and the mortality of those whom I have valued. I know that time is limited and while I choose to serve the crown, in my free time, I choose to live in such a way that I feel I’ve truly lived.

If this makes my personality seems larger than most, then so be it, but I shall, to my very last breath, kept on doing the near impossible.