From Fitzroy's Private Diary (Extract 68)

A List of Things I Hate (in no particular order)

• Badly made tea

• Enemies of the state

• Violence against women

• Choux pastry (unfilled)

• Sprouts

• Men who call me ‘old boy’ - and to whom I would like to say (but can’t), I have killed men for less

• Cruelty to animals or children

• Soggy chewed slippers (Jack!)

• Alice beating me at chess (which I also admire, but pride is bruised)

• Alice’s cooking (she is improving but, ye gods, her gravy could be weaponised, and don’t get me started on her dumplings, I swear, one of them damn near broke a tooth)

• Bertram’s last will and testament

• Predatory women

• My relatives (apart from my late beloved mother)

• Most other men (terrible bores and insufferable war mongers)

• Large Asian spiders

• Cheese rind (accidentally added to a sandwich)

• Cheap wine (overly acidic and leaves fur on the teeth)

• An awful lot of other things I simply can’t be bothered to write down

• Lists